Lucas' Story

Lucas Rosario

Sydney, Australia

25 years old

Suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

I remember going home crying that day; my teacher dedicated a whole class trying to catch me looking elsewhere, or playing with my pencil, or looking at a classmate’s shoes. She would stop every few minutes and say: Lucas, repeat what I just said. I would stare at her and start blurting something out, then I look somewhere else, and begin counting the tiles on the wall behind her. She comes up really close to me and yells FOCUS!!! She wasn’t violent but still very intimidating. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong; I wasn’t lazy, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t stupid, I was genuinely interested in learning but I couldn’t focus. This became my daily life at school. Some teachers were better than others; they just let me be, some others took pleasure in parading me in front of the class, and naturally many of my friends didn’t want to hang around “the class’ idiot” anymore. Some teachers dismissed it as normal behaviour for a six year old, but my mother didn’t, and took me to a psychologist. Several psychologists in fact. They put me on a lot of medications. I had to learn how to pop in a pill when I was only seven. I gagged the first few times, and then when it finally settled I would start feeling bloated or sleepy. But it didn’t do much, and then I began to seriously realise I had a problem.

I guess ADHD was not common in Brazil at the time; it took me 3 years to be diagnosed, and a psychiatrist finally put me on Ritalin, it was working well, but mum was horrified when she read the fineprint on the leaflet and she stopped giving it to me because she did not want me to be addicted.

For the next few years everyone just seemed to accept that I was an overly hyper child, I just needed more attention and it drove my parents and teachers crazy at times. I had to get specialised tutors after school. My older brother now tells me that sometimes he too had to act “crazy” to compete for my parents’ attention.

My mum refused to take me to any more psychologists or doctors, she couldn’t trust them anymore and she felt frustrated that my case was not considered serious, because back at home for her it was definitely so, but she also hoped I would grow out of it or learn to control it. She instead tried to get me to unload my energy elsewhere; she enrolled me in every sport she could think of. But at 15 I had to get back on the medications and kept doing it on and off until I was 21. I had a period of ups and downs at this age, but it was good because I tried to always take advantage of my ups. I started training and studying information technology. I enjoyed taking on big, long-term challenges, because I knew it would be the only way to overcome my condition. I joined the army for a year, I made good friends, I started working and planning my career. I knew at any point I could lose focus completely and be down for a long period and I needed to be prepared for that. My time in the army only lasted for a year because they had to dismiss me once they found out about my condition.

As I started getting off the ritalin, I became very dedicated to my daily routine. I planned my days and weeks well ahead and I got very frustrated if things didn’t go to plan. People think it’s a magic drug, but it is not, when I’m on it I am not Superman, I do not do things out of the ordinary - I am just back to the normal me, not better than anyone else. The problem is when I’m off it; I am less focused, it takes me longer to do normal tasks, it is harder to keep up with conversations, and even the smallest of things can become a burden. But I am learning to balance that; I do not want to live my life on a medication, and then feel inadequate without it, so I try to stay off it. When I was studying, I took a lot of breaks and did cognitive exercises. I just need to be more patient, I choose my challenges now; maybe I can’t join the army, but I train hard and participate in competitions (although I take time out regularly due to injuries, often caused by momentary lapses of attention). I didn’t end up getting into IT because it required too much concentration, and got into construction instead, although I still have to be careful as I do not want to ever make a mistake that turns disastrous.

Despite all of this, I still feel like a regular person and I try to do the things I like; I date, I party, and I follow my dreams; I moved to the US and to Australia. I know over here my condition is better understood and accepted, I hope potentially also better treated. For the time being, I just need to stay healthy and hope I won’t have to resort to medications again.

By Michel Wahba